


The Colours Are Mine To See

by all_thedrarry_feels



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, I cried while writing this, M/M, Mental Health Issues, So much angst, Soulmate AU, inspired by a tumblr post but i can't find the link, seriously, some things are not tagged because spoilers, when you touch your soulmate you see in colour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 09:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13948893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_thedrarry_feels/pseuds/all_thedrarry_feels
Summary: Cyrus knows Jonah Beck's his soulmate. You could call it a gut feeling. He'd love to see the world in colour, but he's not letting Jonah touch him, for Jonah's sake - and for his own. Much angst ensues.





	The Colours Are Mine To See

It wasn’t that Cyrus hated to be touched.

 

It was just that he couldn’t let Jonah Beck touch him.

 

He was fine with Andi, with Buffy – hell, he even hugged them of his own accord sometimes – but, for whatever reason, when he was near Jonah, a little voice popped into his head saying _you must not let him touch you_.

 

And Cyrus listened to the voice. He’d been friends with Jonah for near on three years now, since sixth grade, and they were freshmen now. He’d been best friends with him since last year, yet in all that time, they’d never touched. Jonah had tried to, multiple times, but Cyrus always found an excuse, or a way to evade him. “My arm’s too sore, it’ll hurt it,” he pleaded, ducking out of the way of a hug. “I think I’m coming down with meningococcal,” was a new one he invented when Jonah tried to grab his hand. “I just got a new cat,” he tried two days ago, to attempt to avoid a back slap. Now, normally Jonah was pretty easy-going, but that one made him stop and think for a second. He looked at Cyrus. “What does that have to do with me patting you on the back?” Cyrus blushed. “Uh… it’s a cute cat?” he tried. Jonah, again, looked confused, then figured it was best to just leave it.

 

Cyrus was getting worried. He’d avoided touches for years, but sooner or later it was going to happen. Jonah would touch him – just a simple brush of the fingers, or a playful shoulder bump – and it would happen.

 

Cyrus would be able to see in colour.

 

Everyone saw in black and white until they met their soulmate. No exceptions. But as soon as they touched their soulmate, boom – colour. People who had already found their soulmates, like Andi and Walker (and how sickeningly cute they were), told him it was the most breathtaking experience they’d ever had. “It was magical,” Andi had said, but then she’d refused to elaborate. “You’ll see when your time comes. I don’t want to spoil it,” she explained, and Walker nodded. “Honestly, Cyrus, it’ll be amazing.”

 

Cyrus wasn’t intending to experience it any time soon, however. He already knew his soulmate was Jonah Beck. He didn’t know how he knew; it was just a gut feeling. It was the reason the little voice was in his head – _no touching Jonah Beck. Ever_. Because Jonah Beck, the one and only boy for Cyrus, was very, very straight. And Cyrus didn’t intend to go through heartbreak of that magnitude.

 

Andi and Buffy knew that he thought Jonah was his soulmate, but they didn’t see the problem. “Just touch him already! You two can stop with this nonsense and just get together already,” Buffy announced, looking very pleased with herself. Andi nodded, backing her best friend up.

 

What the two girls didn’t know though, was that Cyrus had been doing a bit of research on soulmates. And what they also didn’t know was that there was a chance that soulmates could be rejected.

 

Not many people knew about it because it was so rare, but sometimes, there was a flaw, and when two hypothetical soulmates touched each other, one saw colours, and one did not. The person found their soulmate, only to not have them love them back. More often than not, the rejected soulmate died of heartbreak and loneliness. The other person was never able to love again.

 

Cyrus, driven by that gut instinct telling him not to touch Jonah, knew that this would be his fate. He would touch Jonah, be rejected, and die of heartbreak – dooming his other half at the same time. And he couldn’t do that to the boy he loved; the one who made him smile and who gave him the energy to get up in the morning. So, Cyrus, with great strength of character, forced himself to live a half-life, a cursed life. He’d never find love – but he wouldn’t die of loneliness at the age of 16, and he wouldn’t kill Jonah.

 

To Cyrus, that was worth more than himself.

 

~~~

Later, Cyrus was at their regular booth in The Spoon, nursing a basket of baby taters and waiting for Jonah to show up. Andi and Walker had begged off, claiming date night (an excuse for them to make out in the back row of a darkened cinema) and Buffy was off doing something with Marty (they were, surprisingly, not soulmates – Marty was matched with a tall basketball player called TJ). Therefore, it was just Cyrus and Jonah – and that was precisely why he was so nervous. It was always a lot harder to stop Jonah touching him when they were alone; that boy was just so damn touchy! Cyrus was going to go certifiably insane soon if he didn’t figure out a new way of keeping Jonah at arm’s length. Wearing long pants and sleeves was not a good option in the hot summer months. His thoughts were interrupted as Jonah slid into the booth – thankfully, across from him, not next to him. “Hey, Cyrus!” he smiled, flashing his dimples.

 

Cyrus would like to have said he didn’t melt, but, unfortunately, he did.

 

“Hey, Jonah.” Cyrus knew he sounded more tired than he should have, but he didn’t have enough energy to keep his usual act up. Jonah frowned. “Cy, you okay?”

 

Suddenly, Cyrus had no more energy. He put his elbows on the table, and his head in his hands. “I don’t think so,” his muffled voice issued from the depths of his hands. Jonah looked concerned. “Cyrus, look at me. Please?” Cyrus, with a superhuman effort, raised his head and looked Jonah in the eyes.

 

It was all he could do not to flinch.

 

There was… something undefinable in Jonah’s eyes. Something Cyrus couldn’t, or wouldn’t, or didn’t want to understand. Something he’d wondered about for years.

 

Cyrus broke their gaze, and looked down.

 

And his heart seemed to stop.

 

As if in slow motion, he saw Jonah’s hand reaching for his. He saw it hesitate, then cover his hand completely. Their fingers intertwined.

 

He thought it started with the basket. As Cyrus watched it, the grey seemed to seep out of it, being replaced with brown, until the entire basket was a lovely wooden colour. He looked around, and noticed colour coming into everything else. Trees with green leaves waved in the wind outside. The lady across from their booth had on a necklace of purple stones. Jonah’s eyes… Jonah’s eyes were the most stunning shade of green Cyrus had ever seen. He knew he could lose himself in those eyes.

 

And so it was, that, completely overwhelmed, Cyrus looked at Jonah and said, in wonder, “Do you see them too?”

 

And Jonah, in his incessantly cheery way, said “See what?”

 

Cyrus heard, rather than felt, his heart shatter into a million tiny shards.

 

~~~

The next thing he knew, he was on a park bench, and Jonah Beck was sitting over him looking frantic. As soon as he saw that Cyrus was awake, he let out his breath, and gave him a wobbly smile. “Cyrus,” he said, in a shaky voice, “I was so worried.” Cyrus tried to smile back, but then he remembered what had happened, and he broke down. Tears streamed down his face in a steady flood, as he tried to hold himself together so that he didn’t completely collapse in front of Jonah. “Cyrus, Cyrus,” Jonah pleaded, and Cyrus wept harder. He didn’t even realise Jonah was crying as hard as he was. “Cyrus, I see them, too, I do, I can see the colours, please,” he sobbed, holding Cyrus close. Cyrus heard this through his film of tears, and mustered the courage to look up at Jonah. “Who’s your soulmate then?” he choked. Jonah gave a watery giggle. “You, Cyrus. It’s always been you.”

 

Cyrus was confused. Normally it was Jonah who was confused, and he wasn’t sure he liked the role reversal. Wiping his eyes and choking back his remaining tears, he sat up. “That’s not possible,” he told Jonah. “We’d never touched before just now; I made sure of that.” But Jonah shook his head.

“D’you remember that time I took you skateboarding, and you fell off? You hit your head pretty hard, and you were unconscious. I called an ambulance, and they took you to the hospital. I must have looked pretty panicked, though, because they let me sit in your room. I sat there for so long, and you looked so peaceful, but there was a lock of stray hair on your head. I reached up to push it off, and…” He made a helpless motion at their surroundings. “I could see in colour. I knew, then. You were my soulmate. But you never mentioned it when you woke up, and I thought…” He paused to wipe his eyes again. “I thought you just didn’t care.”

 

Cyrus was silently crying again. He reached blindly for Jonah’s hand. “Jonah… it didn’t change. There were no colours for me. It must have been because I was unconscious. Today… that was the first time I had seen them. When you didn’t react, I thought I was a rejected soulmate.” A look of pain crossed Jonah’s face as he realised what Cyrus had been going through. “Cyrus, no…” He opened his arms, and Cyrus fell into them. The two boys sat on that park bench, and cried for the pain that they had put each other through. Unbeknownst to the other, they each made a vow that, no matter what, they would never let the other experience that hurt again. They were both there to stay.

 

Cyrus looked up at Jonah. “I love you,” he whispered, so quietly Jonah had to bend to hear it. Jonah smiled. “I love you too.” He wrapped his arms around Cyrus, and they drifted off to sleep, right there on the park bench.

 

In the morning, a passer-by found the still-warm bodies of two young men on the bench, wrapped in each other’s arms. They had died happy, knowing that the other loved them. Cyrus’ depression had finally won the fight – his heart had peacefully and quietly taken him away to a better place. Jonah, who must have felt the death of his soulmate even in his sleep, followed him not long after.

 

There wasn’t a single dry eye at the funeral.

The two boys were buried in the same grave, with “Here Lies Jonah Beck and Cyrus Goodman – They Won The Fight With Love Before Losing The Fight To Death” written on their gravestone. Andi, Buffy and Walker all spoke, reminiscing on the good times and lamenting that they hadn’t noticed Cyrus’ illness. At the end, everyone threw forget-me-nots on top of the grave – the symbol of unconditional love.

 

And from somewhere above, two boys, entwined, looked down and smiled. They were finally, blissfully, happy.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, first things first: PLEASE don't hate me for the ending. I tried so hard to change it, but, well, it really didn't want to be changed.  
> I hope you enjoyed it anyway - please leave kudos and comments for me!!! I crave them :)
> 
> I have a tumblr too! You can find it here: https://cyrusjonahjyrus.tumblr.com


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